Friday, June 26, 2009

my life.

Today i finally called Saloma.We were talking on the phone asking about each other news.I was shocked when Saloma told me that she had just applied a job at a factory.and also she has also called general hospital wanting to be a nurse.What happened to the old quiet Saloma?I've been trying to snap her off her ideas but she was still hot-headed and still wanting to work.Im sorry that i hurt you Saloma.But we promised to be there for each other .You and me and the void deck.Thats all.We promised to forget everyone else.What happened to it Saloma?You were the one who didnt want to go out to restaurants and movies.You were the one who wanted to only meet here.What are you trying to do Saloma?Why are you trying to get your life together?Why are you trying to be normal back?No more off centre is it?

Where were you Razali/Bapak?during the robbery,you are the guard.Why werent you there when we needed you the most?I need you to look after me.You are my guardian.Me and Saloma,we are your children.I dont belive in god.In indian god in christian god.Saloma please dont believe in god.Did he help you when you were in IMH?who says we go to heaven after we die.

After i left Saloma ,i felt like i wanted to be at the top of a building.I wanted a place where i could breathe.I rejected and ignored all her calls.Now the boss knows that im an ex-patient and fired me,Saloma wanted to meet me but i was in a very bad mood and didnt want to see her.Saloma wanted to help me find a new job but i said nevermind because im and ex-patient.I dont have much choices and my pay is low.I can lie or i will live in fear everyday,and wondering whens the boss will know it.All i knew was to ignored Saloma she invited me to go to the void deck i said no.Why didnt someone else got rob?

YES,i dont want Saloma to get better,just now i dance and dance to the loud music,I hate my boss Mr chow.Mr chow went i wanted to see him he didnt want to listen then he sack me.I help Ah seng my friend by talking to this idiotic boss but he just ignored me.He didnt even pay us for two months pay.So what if were off centre doesnt mean you can treat us like this like animals.The normal people always get to their pay on time.I want to make a book for myself how to commit suicide and there be alot of ways which i would add in here.



// posted by fatin.. @ 4:59 AM 0 Comments

my life

Hey readers three weeks have pass.And i hate my parents who are they to keep on controlling me?I know my parents are really irritated by me for shutting myself up.They felt that i had taken advantage of them but i didnt.The felt that I am well and i should have further education to get a degree.They dont understand me do they?

// posted by fatin.. @ 4:52 AM 0 Comments

my life


Hey readers one week have just past,i didnt had the time to update.I hated the silence here.Its such a lonely world.All sounds that i heard were hollowed.Maybe i miss army and somehow i found myself putting on my army boots looking at myself in the mirror.I would 'pretend' that ,that my pillow was a rifle and i would shoot my enemies.And i would just sleep wearing it.

// posted by fatin.. @ 4:46 AM 0 Comments

my life.

Today when i woke up i felt really uncomfortable my heart was really not in place and my head was not in a peace of my mind.i was really really confused.Was it the first night i get best speaker ?Was it the night i first came back from woodbridge?was it the first night i met Saloma?.That was the questions that ran through my mind.Then there was a sudden reminisce and i really need my time alone.So i plucked up the telephone and disconnect it.I also when to my radio and unplugged it.At that moment i when to the window and look outside looking at people rushing for work.And i smiled at the mirror when i saw it at the mirror.

// posted by fatin.. @ 4:32 AM 0 Comments

Thursday, June 25, 2009

my life

Have you readers had a really weird dream before and it really knocked some senses into you and make you break in cold sweats?well i did.I dreamt of a lady named Emily Gan its probably a friend of Saloma's,this weird dream happened at around three in the morning thats what she told me and she said that she only had five minutes to tell me everything before she went to deliver a baby.i was very curious about her attire she was wearing a surgeon's outfit,complete with gloves,face mask and surgeon's.She told me that i have help saloma alot.I was there for her when no one else gave a second look .i felt touch.Like what she said i should be moved by the robbery even though you readers know i had a big breakdown.She told me that this country needs to be cleansed,people like me are special and others need us.Even though they dont understand us they need us very much.Then she brought me to Saloma's room it was really clear as if i wasnt dreaming but i was her room was undesribely neat.I ask her about death and she told me not to and i still have lots to do here in my life.i was bizzared.She knocked some senses into me and really shooked me hard and got me rooted and thinking about using my heart and not my mind.And before she left,she told me about three words Datta,Dayadhvam,Damyata.It means Give,Sympathise and Control.Let me explain, to live is to give-no strings attached.Sympathise-not with yourself but with others-others who are blind.Lastly,control we must accept what lifes offers but we must also take control of its course.These are the word of wisdom that she gave me.She then said the baby was coming out and gave me a hug, took my hanger and she said she didnt want to see me for a long long time.I was terrified and shocked.Baby what baby?Lifes weird isnt it...im really confuse now.she dissappeared and i was in a lost.

// posted by fatin.. @ 5:52 AM 0 Comments

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

my life.


Hello readers im vinod this is my first time blogging,well today when i was at the void deck with Saloma everything just started flashing in my mind.i suddenly remembered about the incident that happened at the BMT i knew that it was my fault i lost the helmet sergeant mok have been pressurising since that incident.But i overcome the fear as long as i was with saloma i knew she would be there for me when i needed her ,shes my best friend.someone whom i think is always there for me.i knew that i had sabboed my own bunk mates and still couldnt find my helmet i knew it was my fault.I told Saloma that the void deck that we always hang around is our haven,heaven ,halfway house a place of peace and calmness but suddenly there was a robber who wanted to steal our money.The robber made me break down at that moment a moment which i think i should be the one there for her to protect my stray kitten.i knew the only thing that i could do when i lost something is just to wait for it to come to me i was stressed up at that point i couldnt think right everything aroundme was blur but why?The robber said i was a coward boyfriend but i wasnt i was just having one of those breakdowns.i have balls i do i do.

// posted by fatin.. @ 10:46 PM 0 Comments

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